Megaplex Newsletter 2023 July: Shopping in Sandton - Shop changes, survey results, valuation advice, supplements coupon, mondegreen, caustic comments, jokes...

Shopping in Sandton – July 2023

Welcome to Megaplex's monthly newsletter! We alert the up-market shopper to the new and interesting in Sandton and Bryanston. Below we have our unscientific survey results, changes in Woodmead Retail Park, another Mondegreen, Valuation advice (be patient!), and some caustic comments. Get 5% off anti-aging and other supplements with our coupon code.  As ever, our jokes are good and original, even if the good ones aren't original, and the original ones aren't good!  Feel free to support our advertisers!  To subscribe, see our subscription page.

Welcome ~ New Shops
Restaurant Review ~ Closed
Civic Tip ~ The Checkout

Need a Plumber?
Call Doctor Pipes!

Also waterproofing and
small building alterations.

Under personal supervision of Mark Michalow
SMS, WhatsApp or phone
082 412 5152
email Doctor Pipes

Links to Other Pages:
Megaplex Home – Overview of Shops, Facilities, and Accommodation in Northern Sandton.

Accommodation in Rivonia

Shopping Centres in Sunninghill:
The Square
Sunninghill Village
Sunhill Shopping Centre
Chilli Lane Shopping Centre
Chilli on Top Centre
The Core

Speaking in Public can be Easy & Fun!

Morningside Toastmasters meets 2nd & 4th Thursday of the month, 17:45 for 18:00 17:45 at the Morningside Country Club. Next: Thu 27 July, 10 Aug. Call or message Rick on 082 389 3482 or email

Shopping Centres in and near Bryanston:
Cramerview Village
Nicolway Shopping Centre
Coachman's Crossing
Grosvenor Crossing
Hobart Grove Centre
Bryanston Shopping Centre
Riverside Shopping Centre
Hurlingham Pick 'n Pay Centre
Bryanpark Shopping Centre
Epsom Downs
Sloane Square

Shopping Centres in the Woodmead area:
Wendywood Centre
Woodmead Value Mart
Woodmead Super Value
Woodmead Commercial Park
Woodmead Retail Park
Woodmead Square
Dunwoody Centre
Woodlands Office Park
Kelvin Village
The Bridge, Buccleuch
Other Shops and Shopping in Woodmead

Non-Religious? Meet other Humanists & Atheists online:

The South African Secular Society (SASS) holds social & educational Meetups online monthly, and some in person. Visit us on Meetup and chat on the Telegram App.

Shopping Centres in Central Sandton::
Grayston Shopping Centre
Atholl Square Shopping Centre
Sandhurst Centre, Rivonia Rd

Shopping in and around Rivonia:
Rivonia Central
Rivonia Village Centre
Rivonia Junction
Mutual Mews
Early Dawn Mall
Shops in Central Rivonia
Shops in Northern Rivonia
Cambridge Crossing
Petervale Shopping Centre

Shopping Centres in
Greater Morningside:

Morningside Shopping Centre
The Wedge, Morningside
Morning Glen Mall
90 Degrees on Rivonia
Morning View
Sandton Court
Benmore Gardens
Shops in the Morningside Area

Be The Special One in a Hundred!

needs blood, but few people donate.

Donate at Design and Décor Centre (near Molly Malones), Forest Road and Sunset Ave, Pineslopes, Sandton: Tel 011 465 6441

Accommodation & Restaurants:
Accommodation in Rivonia,
Restaurants in Rivonia,
Rivonia Restaurant reviews,
Sandton Restaurant reviews,
Morningside Restaurant reviews.

Other Places of Interest:
Sandspruit Hiking Trail,
Ernest Ullmann Park Recreation Centre,
Montrose Nursery Garden Centre and Gia's Coffee Shop.

Fan Mail (Really!)

In the June edition we published a critical email and asked you, our readers, for your opinion: Should I shut down the Megaplex web site or keep it and the newsletter running?  Here are the responses:

From: Candice
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!
Please keep it running. I find your info very valuable and always enjoy the humour :)
Some people are just small minded and wish to complain as is the case of the doctor who emailed you to complain.

From: Nicci
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!

From: Ally
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!
That letter from Dr Blumberg was rude and completely uncalled for! You provide a great service with Megaplex to the community and you should be acknowledged for that! I am so sorry for your loss last year of your wife. Sending you strength and hope xx
PS possible suggestion is to do a quarterly mailer to give you time to update the site?
Warm Regards

From: Lisa
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!
Hi Rick
Hope you are well
I really enjoy receiving the Megaplex newsletter every month as well as enjoy having the website to refer to if needed (and really appreciate your efforts), so please keep it going until you feel like giving it up.
Centres like Dunwoody and Wendywood aren't great anyhow (no offence to the tenants), so your lack of updating the page re Dr Blumberg is understandable.
Sorry on the loss of your wife.
Many thanks

From: Delia
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!

From: Cheryl-Ann
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!

From: Trish
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!

From: NSC
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!

From: Catherine
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!
I no longer live in Joburg but I really enjoy reading your mail. I’m very sorry to hear about your wife, and very much appreciate how hard it must be and that you’re continuing with the newsletter. The good Dr obviously has other things going on as his rage is not commensurate with the situation!

From: moony
Subject: Please Keep the Megaplex web site Running!
I love reading the email every month. Please don’t shut down the website

...and a Dissenting Voice...

From: Ashton
Don't send me your shit anymore

Thank You All!

True, it was a biased and unscientific poll. To respond, you had to (a) not have previously unsubscribed, (b) at least open the newsletter, and (c) read at least halfway through it.  Nevertheless, I take heart from the many wonderful and encouraging responses, and your condolences.  It does help to know that I am helping you; perhaps even lightening your day.  Thank you again.  The Megaplex site and newsletter will continue.

Of course, your suggestions are welcome.  Even Ashton's.

Odd Jobs:  Back to top

What if Meta (the company that owns Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, and the new clone of Twitter, "Threads") were to start a Yoga chain?  They could call it "Meta Physical"! (groan)

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New on the Block, Movers and Shakers  Back to top

This month focuses heavily on Woodmead Retail Park, the biggest shopping centre in Waterval Crescent. Apart from the departures and their replacements, existing tenants have been playing Musical Chairs (anybody remember that party game?). Crocs Outlet Shop closed and Factorie moved there. Nedbank moved from south to north wing, into Factorie's old shop.  Their place was taken by Mr Price Sport, whose place was taken by a new Clicks.  The various parts of Mr Price are now further apart, and the banks are now spilt up between both north and south wings, still close to the Food Court.

  • Spec Savers, under new management, has moved from Upper Level in Woodmead Value Mart to North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Affordable optometrists, prescription spectacles and sunglasses.
  • Watch Republic Outlet is probably moving soon from Woodmead Value Mart to Shop 37, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Fashion Accessories: 40% Off (at least) on brands such as Fossil, Diesel, DKNY, Adidas and Michael Kors.
  • Dr Coenraad van Schoor, Rivonia Sports Centre in Morningside Area Shops – General Practitioner. "The image of an old-school family doctor is something that I aspire to: A doctor who really listens to my patients".
  • NShape Pilates, Rivonia Sports Centre in Morningside Area Shops – Pilates, Equipment & Mat, Pre- and Post-Natal Pilates, Pilates HITT, Pilates for Kids, Strenght (sic) & Functional Training.
  • Security Superstore, Shop 05, South Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Access Control, Batteries, CCTV, Garage Door Motors, Intercoms, Parts and Accessories, Security Equipment, Alarm Systems, Cabling, Electric Fencing, Gate Motors, Outdoor Beams, Remotes/Receivers.
  • Bathu Outlet Store, Shop 06, South Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – African sneakers for adults and kids. "...creating world class sneakers, sustainable jobs and re-Igniting hope in people." End-of-season Sale until 31 August.
  • Telkom Direct, Shop 06A, South Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Cell phones, upgrade, buy airtime, buy data, fibre, home internet.
  • Froggie Factory Shop, Shop 08, South Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Ladies shoes and handbags.
  • Maison Niche Essentiel in Woodmead Retail Park – Premium Parfumery. Kiosk in the South Wing atrium outside MTN.
  • Mr Price Sport, Shop 19, South Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Sports & Leisure clothing for ladies, men, girls and boys. Sporting Goods.
  • Steers, Shop 25, Food Court in Woodmead Retail Park – Fast food steak and burger restaurant and take-away. Open including during load shedding
  • Malik Tech, Shop 23, Food Court in Woodmead Retail Park – Audio/Electronic, PC, Cellphone & Photo. Reality, gadgets, airguns, drones, paintball, consoles, games.
  • Pedros Woodmead, Shop 30, Food Court in Woodmead Retail Park – Flame-grilled chicken. Burgers. Chips. Wraps. Rolls.
  • Volpes Woodmead, Shop 33-34, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – The home of linen. Bedroom, bathroom, curtains and décor.
  • ABSA Bank Branch and ATM, Shop 35/36, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Open M-F 08:30-15:30, Saturdays 08:00-11:00. The ABSA ATM has moved from Shop 68 (in the courtyard leading to Mugg & Bean and Fournos) to the new branch.
  • Mario Casas Outlet Store, Shop 40, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Men's wear made in Turkey.
  • Clicks Woodmead, Shop 44, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Pharmacy, health, home and beauty chain.
  • Lovisa, Shop 49/50, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Australian fashion jewellery and hair accessories. High quality, fashion forward and directional pieces that are brilliantly affordable. Ear piercing.
  • Tammy Taylor Nails, Shop 56A, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Nail Salon. Nail art. Pedicures.
  • Sleepmasters Woodmead, Shop 59, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Beds, bedroom furniture and mattresses. 120-Night Sleep Happy Guarantee. Easy apply for Credit or Lay-By online.
  • Expert Diamond Corner, Shop 64, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – TV, Audio & Video, Home Appliances, Refrigeration, Cooking, Washing Machines, Small Appliances, Kettles, Toasters, Cookware/Utensils, Floor Cleaners, Irons, Fans/Heaters/Aircon, Mobile Tech, Computer, Smart Watches, Smartphones, Gaming, Furniture & Beds.
  • HAQ Mobile, Shop 68, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Fix all kinds of phones and laptops. Sell all kinds of accessories and gadgets.
  • Geldhof Chocolatier Woodmead, Shop 70, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – A wide and mouth-watering range of Belgian chocolates handmade in South Africa. Milk Chocolate, Dark Chocolate, White Chocolate, no-added-sugar Chocolates. Kitchen essentials.
  • Kryolan Woodmead Store, Shop 75, North Wing in Woodmead Retail Park – Official Kryolan retail store selling original Kryolan professional make-up products to the public.

Furnished Morningside Room to Let 1 October 2023

Single Room with shared bathroom in house in Morningside Manor.  Wi-Fi.  Carpeted, fully furnished and serviced including laundry. Close to shops and bus routes.  R3500/month.  Call 082 389 3482, e-mail us, or click here.

Today's Mondegreen

“Or should I just keep chasing penguins?”.


Correct lyric:

“Or should I just keep chasing pavements?” from Adele’s ‘Chasing Pavements’.

No, Your CoJ Rates Valuation Objection Didn't Fail (Yet)! Back to top

So you took our advice in the April Newsletter (or had already done it).  You put in an objection to the insane property valuation you got from the City of Johannesburg (CoJ), the money-grabbing non-world-class African city.

But now, like a neighbour of ours, you see the new valuation on your July Rates account. And, like him, you believe that your objection failed.

Take heart!  It doesn't work that way. It is doubtful that they have even looked at the objections yet. There is a whole process. You will be notified and given a chance to make your objection in person at a hearing.  You can bring witnesses (like your property valuer). If you don't like the outcome, you can appeal.

The process can take up to 2 years. Our objection to the 2018 valuation was dealt with in February 2019 and our appeal against that was heard in January 2020.

Meanwhile, the new valuation will appear on the account (and they expect you to pay it). If they reduce the valuation later, it will be backdated.  You get credit and interest on the overpayment (but not a refund).

You know you're in South Africa when...

At least 21 trucks are torched on major highways, of which the Police have no advance warning.

The Minister of Police and the Head of Crime Intelligence resign.

(in your dreams, Karen!)

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Met The Great Leveller:  Back to top

  • Dataforce Financial Services, Shop 107 in Wendywood Shopping Centre – Insurance brokerage - life, investment, short-term. Financial services. Member of FPI, FIA & FSP. Was 1st Floor.
  • Car Mirror Centre in Morningside Area Shops – Independent suppliers of exterior side mirror replacement glass (car door mirrors). Replacement car mirrors exactly fitting the make and model of your car.
  • Twiggs Florist near Kelvin Village Shopping Centre.
  • Abina's New Look Hair Salon in 90° on Rivonia – Ethnic Hair Salon: Hair extensions, wig installations, cornrows, weaving, styling, cutting, braids, dreadlocks, weave, twists relaxers. Twitter: @bontlelicioushs.
  • Oasis Water, Shop 08 in 90° on Rivonia – Bottled water. Moved from inside Spar at the Deli counter.
  • Eden Tech, Shop 09 in 90° on Rivonia – Accessories and repair of cell phones and laptops. Surly service. An electronics shop without email or a website? Makes you wonder, doesn't it.
  • Sunglass Hut, Shop 04A in Woodmead Retail Park – Sunglasses of all sorts. Was South Wing.
  • WeFix, Shop 06 in Woodmead Retail Park – One-stop Apple device repair and servicing with immediate, walk-in and walk-out service satisfaction. Drones. Samsung under duress. Was South Wing.
  • Bags & Baggage, Shop 08 in Woodmead Retail Park – Bags, wallets, suitcases, leather goods, handbags, shoulder bags. Was South Wing.
  • Rear Vew Images (Kiosk) in Woodmead Retail Park – Canvas Prints. Kiosk in the South Wing atrium outside MTN.
  • Fego Caffé, Shop 25 in Woodmead Retail Park – Coffee Shop. Food & Dine. Excellent everyday meals, great food, great coffee. Was in Food Court.
  • Adega Express, Shop 30 in Woodmead Retail Park – Fast-food version of the famous Adega chain. Was in Food Court.
  • DMF - Discount My Fashion, Shop 33 in Woodmead Retail Park – Branded men's, women's, kids' clothing up to 60% off regular price, imported without the approval of the registered owner of the trademark. No guarantee will be honoured by any licensed importer. Was North Wing.
  • Shoe City, Shop 35/36 in Woodmead Retail Park – Fashion Shoes. Was North Wing.
  • NWJ Fine Jewellery, Shop 37 in Woodmead Retail Park – Jewellers: watches, rings, bracelets, diamonds and gold. Was North Wing.
  • Mischief, Shop 40 in Woodmead Retail Park – "We suit you perfectly". Men's exclusive boutique. Stockists of Viyella, Polo, Carducci, Ted Lapidus, Santander, Entro, Zecca, and Vinzano. Was North Wing.
  • Urban Vibe, Shop 41 in Woodmead Retail Park – Unisex Boutique. Fashion. Was North Wing.
  • Crocs Outlet Shop, Shop 43 in Woodmead Retail Park – Shoes (not just ugly plastic ones).
  • UV MAN, Shop 49/50 in Woodmead Retail Park – Unisex formal and casual wear . Fashion. Polo, Pringle of Scotland, Lyle & Scott, Viyella, Florsheim, Sebego. Was North Wing.
  • Umbro, Shop 56A in Woodmead Retail Park – Teamwear: Colourful branded sports tops, shorts, socks. Football boots, clubs jerseys, collections, footwear, training. Was North Wing.
  • Brooklyn Biltong Woodmead in Woodmead Retail Park – Biltong and dry wors. Right next to where the ABSA ATM was.
  • Eden Tech Woodmead, Shop 23 in Woodmead Retail Park – Audio/Electronic, PC, Cellphone & Photo. Was in Food Court.
  • Kalico Interiors, Shop 70 in Woodmead Retail Park – Interior design. Was North Wing.
  • Perfect 10 Nail and Body Studio, Shop 06A in Woodmead Retail Park – Nails, manicure and pedicure, tinting, eyelashes, facials, massage, waxing and waning. They used to have a web page with Megaplex; new management stopped it, now they are gone. Is there a moral here?

Advertise in this Monthly e-Newsletter from only R192/month*!

4,473 subscribers, many of them dedicated Sandton Shoppers! e-mail us, or click here. (*Non-top banner for one year paid in advance, includes VAT, less discount)

Thought for the Week:

"We are ugly but we have the Music" -- Leonard Cohen, poet and musician (1934-2016)

CIPC: Incompetent User-Hostile Vindictive Petty Bureaucrats Back to top

The Companies and Intellectual Property Commission (CIPC) is the most user-hostile South African government body I have come across. They handle company registrations, so it is obligatory to deal with them, or nobody would.

Their website demands information that they already have. Then they email one incomplete instructions and reject emails that do not contain the tracking number in the subject, while never telling one where that tracking number is.

Instead of giving full requirements, they reject applications piecemeal for different reasons each time (some of which seem to be made up on the spot), so it takes many applications before one has full instructions. They also apply their rules inconsistently; for example, they accepted my certified ID on one application and then rejected the same ID on the next application because the certifying officer had not filled in his full name.

Their behaviour towards their (forced) customers is petty, spiteful, vindictive and malicious. When one complains, they give irrelevant responses and then close the ticket. What a disgusting organisation!

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Overheard at the Checkout

"Zimbabwean Dictator Emmerson Mnangagwa has signed the 'Patriot Act' into law.  It makes it a criminal offence to harm the country's reputation."

"Won't a draconian law like that damage Zimbabwe's reputation by itself?"

"Surely it will."

"Then I suppose Mr Mnangagwa will be the first person prosecuted under the Act?"

Your name in print!  Would you like to contribute a shop- or restaurant review, a less obscure joke, or something else for this Newsletter?  Please e-mail us.  You will get full credit (unless you want anonymity).  Reach 4,473 shoppers and shop-owners: Advertise in this newsletter!  Editor: Rick Raubenheimer.

Back to top – © 2023 Megaplex cc. Privacy Policy.  All rights reserved. Contents may be used for reference purposes, as long as credit is duly given.
Newsletter Issued 27 July 2023 – Page Last Updated: 26 July 2023. – Contact us.